I'm discovering that some women have an idea of their birth plan even before they are pregnant. I guess these women just know early on that they want to have a natural delivery (or whatever their plan might be).
I do not consider myself to be one of these women.
Please don't misunderstand me... I think it's GREAT that they have a plan for how they want things to go. But as for me? I felt very open to all options.
As I told my doctor, let's get one thing clear from the beginning: I don't need to be anyone's hero. In other words, I would've signed off on an epidural at my first doctor's appointment if they would've let me.
I see no difference between women who have epidurals and women who have natural births. I think it's AWESOME that some women are able to do it naturally! Good for them! And my intention was to be as prepared as possible IF that ended up being the case for me (you can never be too prepared in my opinion). But are these women somehow stronger or better than other women who have epidurals or c-sections???
Personally, I don't think so.
My "No Plan" Birth Plan originally consisted of any/all options including but not limited to:
(please note that these are not ranked in any order)
1) Natural delivery.
2) Any/all drugs available.
3) C-section.
4) Magic??? Somehow the baby just magically appears outside of me in a totally painfree way?
Like I said before, I am open to ALL options.
That is... until my doctor told me after my 20 week ultrasound that I would very likely have a c-section. I immediately felt a little deflated. The mom in me totally understood that a c-section would be the safest option for myself and my baby... but the therapist in me wanted my baby to come when he's ready. My doctor explained that he would be slightly pre-term and I felt disappointed that my baby would miss out on those last weeks of development for the brain and lungs and liver.
I had a complete placenta previa meaning that the placenta was covering my cervix and basically, there was no natural way out for the baby. If it didn't move (and my doc did not think that it would), then I would need to have a c-section BEFORE going into labor (because contractions could cause the placenta to detach and I could hemorrhage and we could both die). Because we live 7500 feet above sea level, this is considered a "high altitude" pregnancy and those babies MAY tend to come early so I was told the c-section would happen at 37 weeks. I was also told that because of our altitude, combined with the previa, our baby COULD be slightly smaller than average because both things can complicate intrauterine growth.
So, the benefit of having this slight complication is that I got to have more regular ultrasounds to check on the baby's growth and to check the location of the placenta. With each ultrasound I was given good news... but with the warning that although the placenta HAD moved, it still hadn't moved quite enough. On the other hand, the baby was growing steadily (in the 66th percentile I might add) so no concerns there.
Finally, at my 32 week ultrasound I was told the placenta had moved completely and I was now a candidate for a vaginal delivery. No more scheduled c-section talk... we were now waiting on baby to make his own debut into the world. I felt relieved, but also terrified.
Let's fast forward to yesterday... 12/28. I went to the doc for a routine appointment. I'm 37.5 weeks pregnant. The day I hit 37 weeks was the day I went from feeling "really good" to feeling "so done with this pregnancy." Not sure why other than some pregnancy symptoms started REALLY ramping up (swelling in my hands, carpal tunnel in both wrists, inability to sleep at night, difficulty putting on shoes, etc). So, I head into my appointment just knowing that the doc is going to tell me I'm well on my way to having this baby soon.
Nope.
Basically I was told that my cervix was completely closed. More or less nothing was happening yet other than baby appears to be head down. I left the appointment, got in my car, and just started crying. Once the tears started, I literally could not turn them off. Then, I felt so ridiculous for crying about this (2.5 weeks before my actual due date), that I started crying HARDER! These pregnancy hormones are no joke!
In between sobs I talked with Mike about it and he (ingeniously) pointed out that in a way I probably do feel "past due" because for months we talked about baby coming at 37 weeks. Duh. Why didn't I think of that? I couldn't figure out why I felt SO "past due" and I was absolutely DREADING the possibility of being pregnant for another 2.5 weeks (or God FORBID even longer). Suddenly my emotions made a little more sense to me (although I still primarily blame hormones because I can literally cry over ANYTHING right now).
So, my current perspective is this: This baby will come when it is his time. I have no control over that and I'm actually grateful for that fact. The best things are worth waiting for. This season of pregnancy too shall pass. I already feel that I am going to miss these kicks and punches (yep, even the ones to the bladder) so I am going to relax and savor these moments as much as I possibly can. I will focus on the fact that God's timing is ALWAYS accurate. Always. And just like a kid at Christmas, I will enjoy this time of anticipation while I continue to count my ridiculous blessings.
Much love from Tahoe,
XOXO
